Day Two--Awesome Beer Trippage

After my Sunday walking group, I packed us up and we headed out to Kalamazoo. (For those who are wondering, Buddy was taken care of by his Aunt Beth, who lives two doors down. She is mom of Oskar, who Buddy tolerates).

Those of you who know me well know that I tend to pee a lot. So it was no big surprise when I had to go on the way to Kalamazoo. Because of my decision to get off at a particular exit, a little vermin lost its life. The little guy was sitting in the off ramp and jumped right in front of the car. There was nothing Jeff could do. I had to go and sit in the bathroom for a little while to collect myself…I felt really bad. I hope that his family wasn’t in the meadow off the ramp, watching the whole thing. Anyway, you can’t recite Kaddish for a dead woodchuck or whatever it was, so I got back into the car and on we went.

Our first stop was Bell’s Eccentric Café. That place is exactly what I would want in a brewpub. I read somewhere that they specifically did not put in wireless so that people wouldn’t sit in there and just stare at laptops all day. This was a great idea, because people were actually conversing and interacting. Jeff and I sat at the bar and were immediately befriended by our new Kalamazoo friends (and cutest couple ever), Michelle and Thom. (Jeff said that Michelle is my Kalamazoo counterpart—that is, someone who welcomes you to the city and wants you to stay. I am thrilled about this! Now we just need someone up north…. J)

We got the beer sampler, which could be served in either the lower peninsula or the upper peninsula. We were treated to the amber ale, the lager, the mild ale, the porter, the dopplebock “Consecrator” and the “Pool Side” cherry wheat.

I think amber ales are a tough sell. To paraphrase our Supreme Court, I can’t define the perfect amber ale, but I know it when I taste it. I’ve had some really, really weak amber ales and some great ones. Bell’s amber was awesome! It struck a nice balance—caramelly, but not too sweet. Not too heavy, not too light.

The lager was nice and crisp and made me wish (not for the first time) that our usual bar had a lager on tap. Ditto the mild ale. The porter was perfect—light but dark, if you know what I mean.

Jeff enjoyed the Consecrator (our bartender’s favorite) and I liked the cherry wheat. I don’t know if I could really guzzle the cherry wheat at the pool side (it’s a little sweet, and I think I’d prefer a nice mild ale if I had a pool and could lay by it and drink), but it was nice in a sampler.

Since lunch had been a few hours ago, Jeff and I had cashews (my personal favorite nut) and an IPA each. We also learned that Bell’s has an Eccentric Day party in early December. Since this coincides with our anniversary (December 1^st), I’m trying to sell Jeff on the idea. Okay, he’s not a hard sell. J

Michelle showed us the AWESOME beer garden. Oh holy Moses…it was big and beautiful and had a little bar in it and a big stage and lots of hops…it would be a great place for an outdoor concert. I was jealous, to tell the truth.

As we left, Michelle and Thom asked us to say hi to their friend Chris at Arcadia.

Now of course, by this time, I had to somehow incorporate the Neo Con War into all this. So I thought that it would be kinda cool if the breweries were the links in the underground resistance. So, I thought of us as having to deliver a message further on down the line. Maybe we resistance people could each take a weekend and make the perilous, life threatening journey from brewpub to brewpub, delivering coded messages. We’d need a code and a secret handshake, of course, so if anyone has any ideas for this, please speak now or forever hold your peace. Anyway, this spiced it up a bit for me.

NEXT:

Onto Grand Rapids. I have never been to Grand Rapids, and it appears to be a nice city…way bigger than A2. When we checked into our hotel, the clerk asked what brought us to the Marriott in Grand Rapids. When we said what we were doing, he recommended Founders (which we said was our destination) and the BOB, which was right across the street. What the hell? More beer is always good.

We went upstairs and I took a nap (all the lunchtime beer was getting to me J). I was having a bad hair day and a “fat day”, so I changed my hair and my clothes. That helped a bit.

We walked over to the BOB. I saw the sign that said “brewery, downstairs” and started to head that way. Quickly, I was stopped by the hostess who said that the brewery was not open to the public. Oops. But the beer was served upstairs, she added. Cool.

The BOB building has a ton of stuff in it. There’s a fancy pants restaurant, the bar and a stage in the tiki bar that hosts comedians and bands. BOB has its own box office and we learned that none other than Pauly Shore is appearing in a few weeks. If I had walked up there and seen Pauly Shore performing, I would have eaten my hair.

The bar was what you would call “upscale” and at first, I felt uncomfortable. The other female customers are the kind of women who make me feel 3” taller and 30 pounds heavier. But the bartenders were way cool (Jeff wants me to mention that the dark-haired bartender was “hot”) and made us feel very comfortable. We explained what we were doing and they thought that was cool. After our first pints, the bartender gave us free samplers. Sweet!

For those of you who were at the Brewers’ Guild Festival in late July, BOB’s was the bar with the ladies on the taps. My girlfriend, Sarah, and I both eschewed the beer based on the taps. (Jeff and John, Sarah’s husband, flocked to it). I’m not a huge feminist, but I’m not sure how I feel about using the ladies to sell the beer. The bartender agreed saying, “I’m not so sure about that sales technique”.

Please note that there are no brunettes in the bunch (although they “may” use brunettes for the winter porter and stout). I mean, they wouldn’t use someone with chubby cheeks, a pumpkin-shaped head, dimples, funny teeth and freckles anyway, but still. (And fuck it—I’d rather be cute. Cute lasts forever while beauty often fades in middle age. So, there!)

I do regret not sampling the beer at the festival though, because it was really good. The IPA was awesome—about 2/3 of the way to HopSlam (from Bell’s). The pale ale was crisp and dry and another favorite of mine. I did try the Golden, not realizing it was a wheat, so Jeff finished that for me. There was also a tasty amber ale, a blonde and something called a Hopsun. The Hopsun is an “American pale wheat” with a hint of orange. Jeff enjoyed it, and finished my sample because I do not care for wheats.

NEXT:

Next…Founders! The last email that I read before I shut off my computer for 2 ½ days was from my friend who raved about Founders. Therefore, I was particularly looking forward to this bar. And oh Nellie—it was awesome! (I should mention that I got us lost on the way there. We were walking, we had been drinking, and I have no sense of direction. We figured it out though.)

The layout of the bar is fab. It has a big doorwall that opens up onto the porch. This alone made me happy. Founders also has the coolest juke box—much better than Leopolds, which was still pretty good. Some lame ass shit was playing, so I knew that I had to take matters into my own hands. (Remember, I was a DJ in college!). I got $5 from Jeff and programmed in some NIN, Nirvana, the Who, BB King, Bjork (that was for Jeff), Beastie Boys, Clapton, Bowie and Led Zep. I think the bartender approved, because he started singing. (I should also point out that the TV above the bar was showing “Jailhouse Rock” with Elvis, but with the sound turned down. I kept making up lines and saying them aloud. Most of the lines had words like “fuck”, “shit”, “suck the Colonel’s dick” and “die taking a dump” in them. It was quite humorous to watch Elvis rock out to the songs that I played.)

Jeff started the night with bourbon barrel aged Red’s Rye. Since I’m not a bourbon fan, I usually don’t care for the barrel aged stuff, but this was straight. Jeff loved it. I got the Centennial IPA, which was fresh and hoppy and yummy. Jeff got an IPA, and I got a Pale Ale. The pale was great but, I’m very embarrassed to admit, I couldn’t finish it. I was just beered out, I’m afraid. I slugged down half and then we called it a night.